En vic na dan prežene vse težave stran

[RobertM]

V petek
Janez- "Draga,kaj ko bi si privoscila en lep vikend"
Micka- " Super ideja"
Janez- " OK-se vidiva v ponedeljek"


Samo v Ex-Yu se slisi lepse(Mujo i Fata)

[andrejs]

Nikoli veè ne bom imel rokometašice.
Kar koli vrže vame, me zadane v glavo!

Pameten si, če verjameš samo polovice tega, kar slišiš.
Genialen, če ugotoviš, katero polovico.

Nasmeh je druga najbolj¹a stvar, ki jo ¾enska lahko naredi z usti.

Če parkiraš avto neustrezno, pusti brisalce vklopljene, da ti ne bodo mogli kazni zataknit za njih.

Nimam rad oseb, ki jemljejo drogo, še posebej carinike.

[pack]

(hja, glede razumevanja jezika naših sosedov: jest sem zadnji pionirček, malo mlajši od mene se pa niso več učili v šoli, tako da jih ima zelo veliko težave z razumevanjem, ne se čudit; sicer pa zakaj bi prevajal vice, saj je slovenskih variant malo morje)

Trije mrtvo pijani Dolenjci gredo iz gostilne, po železniških tirih. Po nekaj korakih reče prvi:
Ne zastopm zakuga so dons štenge taku narazn...
Čez čas potoži drugi: Pa kaku je ta ugraja taku nisku postaulena...
Pa se oglasi še tretji: Pubje, konc prblema! Lift že prihaja!!!

Pride dolenjček nakresan iz gostilne in se takoj zaleti v mimoidočo žensko. Ta mu primaže eno okoli uh. On pa:
"Madonca,taku hitru pa nejsem še nkol domu pršu."

Zdravnik vpraša Franceta:"Ali imate težave z alkoholom?"
"Jest ne! Moja žena jih ima!"
"Kako to mislite?"
"Vedno ponori, ko pridem pijan domov!"

[kramp]

Mož pride nakresan domov. Žena mu primaže zaušnico: "Ali boš še pil?"
Mož molči. Žena mu pritisne še eno zaušnico: "Odgovori! Ali boš še pil?"
Mož molči. Žena mu prisoli še tretjo zaušnico: "Povej! Ali boš še pil?"
"No prav," reče mož, "pa nalij!"

[KoMar]

Po posvetu z drugimi administratorji sem se odločil, da bomo pustili vice v vseh jezikih tega sveta. Go nuts

[dal]

Foreign Language Problems

This was nominated for one of the best e-mails of 1999. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room service at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow inglish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No...just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud!"
G: "You're welcome."

The Butchery of English, as 'done' across the world

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin shoudl enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetry where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to parambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies with nutes.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women an other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

[mlevaz]

Po posvetu z drugimi administratorji sem se odločil, da bomo pustili vice v vseh jezikih tega sveta. Go nuts

Zelo lepo!

Ha,enkrat sem gledal (sicer samo pol minutke) neki kavbojski film na nekem nemškem programu.
In pride John Wayne s klobukom na glavi v Saloon .. in reče "Gutten morgen". (film sinhroniziran v nemščini)

Hočem reči,da s tem ko filmu(ali vicu) vzamemo originalni jezik,precej grdo posežemo vanj. Po domače povedano-ga zjebemo.

Sorry za gnjavažo
Sorry tudi tebi , KoMar , če sem te malo razjezil. Moj namen niti slučajno ni bilo kreganje ali kako zbadanje.

Ok,že ko smo med vici.. Tolko jezno si reagiral,da sem par dni hodil okoli z Autanom in Pipsom. :

[mlevaz]

Ok,na hitro..
Na Rai2 je tema!Ravnokar je končal program z naslovom Senza traccia,ki slučajno pomeni Brez sledu.

[kramp]

Fata: "Bolan Mujo, ja sinoč izašla sa magistrom."
Mujo: - "Sta ti je to?"
Fata: - "Pa jedan,intelektualac."
Mujo: - "Pa kako je bilo?"
Fata: - "Pa prvo me vodio na večeru."
- "Pa u kino."
- "Pa onda u šetnju."
- "Pa onda kuči kod njega."
- "Pa onda intelektualni razgovor."
- "Pa onda izvadi svoj penis..."
Mujo: - "Sta ti je to penis?"
Fata: - "Ma to imaju ti intelektualci, liči na kurac, al je malenoooo!"

[kramp]

Neka zenska se je zjutraj ob 7.11 ob svoji jutranji kavici ravno
pripravljala na odhod v sluzbo, ko je opazila zelo nenavaden
pogrebni sprevod do bliznjega pokopalisca. Enemu pogrebnemu avtu je v
razdalji nekaj metrov sledil drugi. Za drugim avtom je hodila zenska
-sama, s pitbulom na vrvici. Za njo je hodilo 200 zensk, vsaka sama.
Zenska se ni mogla upreti radovednosti. sla je ven in se spostljivo
priblizala zalujoci zenski s psom in rekla:
"Iskreno sozalje ob vasi izgubi, vem, da je neprimeren trenutek, da bi vas
motila, vendar se nikoli nisem videla takega pogreba.
Cigav pravzaprav je?"
Zenska s psom ji je odgovorila: "V prvem avtu je moj pokojni moz."
"Kaj se mu je pa zgodilo?"
"Moj pes ga je napadel in ubil."
Zenska je sprasevala se naprej: "Kdo pa je potem v drugem avtu?"
"Moja tasca. Poskusala je pomagati mojemu mozu, pa se je pes spravil se
nanjo."
Sledil je daljsi pomenljiv trenutek tisine med obema zenskama.
"Mi posodite psa?"
"Postavite se v vrsto."

[kramp]

Sofer tovornjaka ustavi prostitutki:

"Kaj naredis za 50 eurov?"

"Vse!"

"No, pol mi bos pa pomagala cement dol zlozit!"

[RobertM]

Možakar je prišel k doktorju:
"Doktor, moja cela desna noga je modra. Kaj je to?"
"Gangrena!" je ugotovil doktor, ko ga je pregledal. "Moramo vam odrezati nogo ali boste pa umrli."
Pacient je privolil v operacijo in že čez nekaj dni je bil brez desne noge. Toda, že čez teden dni po odpustu iz bolnice se je spet oglasil pri doktorju in mu dejal:
"Zdaj je modra še leva noga!"
"Žal bo potrebno amputirati še levo nogo," je dejal doktor po pregledu, ga poslal h kirurgu in ta mu je opravil še drugo amputacijo.
Teden dni po odpustu iz bolnišnice se je zadeva ponovila. Bolnik se je pojavil pri doktorju in rekel:
"Zdaj imam pa plav penis!"
"Gangrena se je razširila! Še penis vam moramo amputirati."
In opravili so še to operacijo. Teden dni kasneje je bolnik potožil:
"Zdaj sem pa moder do popka!"
Doktor se je zamislil, ga temeljito pregledal, nato pa vprašal:
"Povejte mi, ali vam morda vaše kavbojke puščajo barvo?"

[KoMar]

Tipo brez obeh nog še naprej nosi kavbojke?

[andrejs]

Na letalu MLADA ŽENSKA in MENIH

ona: "gospod, nekaj bi vas prosila!"
on: "da, hči, povej!"
ona: " kupila sem si nov ženski depilatorski strojček, pa me je strah carine.....ali bi ga vi...pod kuto....čez carino....?!"
on: "o, hči, rad bi, a ne smem lagati................a se bom že česa domislil!"

Kasneje na CARINI...

carinik: "oče, imate kej za prijavit?"
menih: "od brade do pasu nič!"
carinik: " pa od pasa dol?"
menih: "tam pa je strojček za ženske, ki še nikoli ni bil uporabljen!"
carinik(v smehu): "naslednji prosim!"

[NoName]

mnja... prslo je poletje.. na oplehane mopedke je treba montirat letne gume, ce pa slucajn kupis skoraj nove lite feltne za male dnarje.. pol pride pa kej takegale ven...

vsekakrsna podobnost z realnim zivljenjem je zgolj namerna...



ka ko bi t-2jevci mel takle avte popedenane? ste za akcijo?